Without You
by cassie.hack
Summary: Inspired by "Without You" by Y'Akoto


_A/N: That idea's been running through my head ever since I heard the song and I decided I've tortured both Miranda and Liara enough so I gave Samantha a try (sorry, dear... :) )_

* * *

**Without You**

With a heavy, still somewhat drowsy, sigh, Samantha turned to the side, her fingers lazily searching the other side of the bed. Finding nothing, she slowly opened her eyes while raising her head to confirm what she already knew, the place next to her was empty. Shepard had already left...

Sighing, she sank back into the pillows, back into Shepard's still lingering scent, and ran a hand through her hair while she blankly stared out the window at the ceiling above her. She should be disappointed, yet it didn't come as a surprise. As much as it hurt, she'd gotten used to waking to an empty bed with Shepard already being gone back to her duties, and there was no use dwelling on it.

She inhaled deeply one last time and then got out of the bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor – where they'd landed in a hurry last night – and headed for the shower. She was allowed to use it, after all. Shepard had offered it, and even though she'd hoped the commander had meant it as a joke, she'd never dared clarifying that her reason to visit the captain's cabin went far beyond a simple luxurious shower...

* * *

The elevator doors opened and revealed the CIC already buzzing with activity – even given the still early hour. Her terminal was greeting Samantha like it did every morning and so did her tasks, so with just a short nodd towards the crew members working nearby at the galaxy map, she set to work.

Laughter coming from the cockpit a couple of minutes later made her raise her head and she couldn't stop the sad smile that immediately started tugging at her lips.

There she was, already in full armor as she leaned on the pilot seat, saying something to Joker Samantha couldn't hear due to the distance. Beside her was Garrus, adding a comment to the conversation every now and then, eliciting more laughter from the two humans.

The elevator doors behind her opened and Samantha's head whipped around, ready to greet whoever had just entered the CIC as was her duty. Her chest tightened when Liara returned the smile and gave her a short nodd before heading to the cockpit, the hurriedness in her step telling the Comm Specialist that she was about to collect her companions for the next mission they no doubt would leave for soon enough.

Just as expected, it didn't take Liara long to remind her companions of their duties and Shepard – with a sigh that could even be heard in the CIC – pushed herself off Joker's seat and nodded, following the asari back through the CIC and towards the elevator to take the three of them down to the shuttle bay.

Her worried eyes still fixed on the approaching group – well, just one of them, to be honest – Samantha felt the lump in her throat grow bigger at the thought that she'd have to let Shepard go on yet another mission that could cost her her life while she was up here in the CIC of the Normandy and out of danger with nothing she could do to help except waiting and hoping for the commander's safe return.

And _when_ the commander returned – no matter how bloodied and battered – it was expected of her to keep it professional and remain at her terminal, ignore the urge to rush to her side and accompany her to the med bay like a (girl?)friend would, because that was how Shepard seemed to want it...

The only time Samantha would be reminded of those wounds would be at night when the commander would hiss in pain from being touched at the wrong place, quickly brushing Samantha's concerned hands away if the woman would offer to take a look... She wasn't supposed to care.

"...don't know exactly what Cerberus uncovered on Eden Prime, but the effort they show to get it leaves no doubt that the artifact is valuable," Liara's voice broke through Samantha's train of thoughts as the asari spoke with gleaming eyes on her way towards the elevator. "We can't let it fall into Cerberus' hands, Shepard."

"No, we certainly wouldn't want that, now would we?" Shepard smiled in amusement at her friend's excitement that even now lit up her face every time the word "Prothean" fell...

The group passed Samantha and Shepard's eyes momentarily left the still talking asari's back and met the Comm Specialist's. Without slowing down, Shepard winked at the blushing woman as she passed her terminal. It was quick, only for her to notice and it almost made Samantha wonder if it had happend in the first place as she watched Shepard stepping into the elevator with her two companions. _Her two friends_, Samantha thought bitterly as she watched the doors close in front of the trio. Friends she'd known for years, friends the commander trusted with her life, friends that had been at her side for so long... Samantha lowered her eyes. She was just the newcomer. A newcomer to an already existing and solid group of friends...

She wouldn't even dare trying to become a part of this group, fearing Shepard's reaction. As long as Shepard didn't let anything show on her face whenever they talked in public, she'd remain silent as well, if that's what it took for them to continue things the way they were right now... It was like an unspoken agreement between the two of them and Samantha knew it was way too fragile to risk destroying it by forcing Shepard to talk about it...

A beeping sound to her right jolted Samantha out of her thoughts and she quickly turned back to her terminal. After scanning the info on her monitor, a smile started tugging at her lips. It seemed monitoring Cerberus communications had finally paid off. If she could find the group of Cerberus scientists that had cut ties and fled, she would have a new reason to talk to the commander later...

* * *

All the sounds that could be heard in basically every part of the ship were muted every time Samantha stepped out of the elevator and into the short hallway leading to the captain's cabin. It seemed as if time stood still, as if everyone, everything was holding their breath. A rather surreal atmosphere, to be honest, but then again, Samantha deemed it only fitting. Wasn't it just as strange for her to – despite everything – return here almost every night? To take a couple of seconds to just stand in front of Shepard's cabin door before the same routine would repeat itself like it had all the nights before?

She would enter, Shepard would greet her. Sometimes with words, sometimes with a simple smile, sometimes with just her insistent mouth swallowing every attempt to start a conversation. And she wouldn't complain. Because that was the reason she returned here every time, wasn't it?

_That and the shower, of course_, she added in her mind, her smile immediately easing some of the tension in her body as she activated the door control with newfound confidence.

Perhaps this night would be different. Perhaps this night, she could convince her to stay...


End file.
